Veterans Say
30 questions
Questions Veterans ask, answered by Veterans in their own words. Every answer is quoted from one of our interviews and linked to the moment it was said. First-hand experience, not advice.
Life after service
- Are you glad you got out, or do you wish you'd stayed in?One Marine answered both ways in the same breath. Fifteen Veterans on reenlisting, retiring, being shown the door, and what they would tell you about it now.
- Did the military change your faith?One found God at his parents' dinner table. One swears at him. One says he believes and it still feels fake. Eleven Veterans and a Gold Star mother, and no verdict.
- What did the military do to your body?He says he went in at seven foot two and came out at six foot five. Twelve Veterans on knees, backs, ears, the ibuprofen everybody got and the bill that showed up later.
- What did your disability rating change?Nobody we interviewed calls it a windfall. Ten Veterans on the exam, the wait and the odd guilt of being told yes.
- What do Veterans do all day after the military?Nobody fills in your calendar anymore. Fourteen Veterans on what they do with the day, including the ones who cannot hold a regular job.
- What is college like after the military?You are 27. The kid next to you is 18 and arguing with the professor. Fourteen Veterans on going back to school: who loved it, who quit, and who is still paying for it.
- What is starting a business after the military like?A solar grid that did not work. A website born from a sergeant major's uniform check. Six car loans gone bad in one month. Twelve Veterans on what they built and what it cost them.
- What jobs do Veterans actually get after the military?The lists say project manager. Fourteen Veterans say plumber, cop, car salesman, cutman, trucker and the guy who tapes ankles, and how each one got there.
- Where do Veterans find their people if the VFW isn't it?Nobody we interviewed found their people by looking for community. They found something to do, and the people were already standing there. Thirteen Veterans, plus a list of doors.
- Which military habits did you keep, and which did you drop?The clock survived. The razor did not. What our guests still do years after anyone stopped inspecting, what they quit the first week, and the one habit every branch kept.
- Why am I so angry after the military?Nobody issued you the anger. You kept it anyway. Nine Veterans on where theirs came from, what it cost them and what finally turned it down.
- Why can't I adjust to civilian life?You turned in your gear. Nobody told you what else you were handing back. Fifteen Veterans on the part of getting out that no class covers.
- Why do civilians think I'm aggressive?In uniform, getting to the point was good manners. Fifteen Veterans on the first civilian job, the word aggressive, and the ones who walked out.
Mental health and recovery
- Am I a real Veteran if I never deployed?Every Veteran gets asked where they deployed. Eleven of them on having no answer, a small answer, or an answer that still did not feel like enough.
- How did Veterans stop drinking?Ten Veterans on how bad it got and what actually changed it. They do not agree. One of them has never been drunk, and he still has something to say about it.
- How do Veterans carry the friends they lost?The call you meant to return. The ceremony that never gets easier. Ten Veterans and a Gold Star mother on what they carry, and what keeps them here.
- What happens after military sexual trauma when you never reported it?One told nobody for years. One reported it and says nobody cared. Five Veterans, in the words they chose, and what VA says about care without a report.
- What is deployment really like?The movie version is ninety minutes of gunfire. Theirs ran from four days to sixteen months. Fifteen Veterans on the laundry, the boredom, the people and the day it went wrong.
- What is VA therapy actually like?Everyone says go to therapy. Thirteen Veterans say what happened when they did.
- What stays with you after deployment?Not the battles. The fireworks, the ringing, the kid who brought the bread. Eleven Veterans on what came home with them.
In uniform
More questions
- Do military marriages last?Everybody has heard that military couples fall apart. Thirteen Veterans on the marriages that ended, the ones that held, and what the job did to both.
- How did you end up in your military job?You asked for security forces. The Air Force had something more challenging. Eleven Veterans on the job they wanted, the job they got and how much say they really had.
- What are the military's hardest schools really like?A medical officer got five days' notice for Ranger School. A Marine practiced swimming in his cammies at a Navy pool. Eight Veterans on Ranger School, recon selection, the Q Course, Airborne and SERE, and what those schools were actually looking for.
- What is it like being a parent in the military?He met his daughter five days after he was wounded. Nine Veterans and one Marine still serving on the birthdays they missed, the kids who did not know them and what they did about it.
- What is it like being a woman in the military?One was told the flight line did not need female staff sergeants. One says she joined a boys' club on purpose and would again. Eleven women who served, and where they disagree.
- What is Las Vegas like for Veterans?Everybody visits Las Vegas. These Veterans stayed. Seventeen of them on the city behind the Strip: who was born here, who picked it, and who it leaves alone in an apartment.
- What is the Reserve or National Guard really like?One weekend a month, the brochure says. Nine Veterans on the drill weekend with nothing to fix, the phone that rings the other 28 days, and the reputation.
- What makes a good leader in the military, and a bad one?Everybody had one good sergeant and one clown. Eleven Veterans name the difference, and one of them admits he could have handled his clown better.
- Why is military humor so dark?The joke came first. It usually does. Eight Veterans, including the creator of Terminal Lance and two working comics, on why they laugh at the worst of it.